behold, a blog post

Soft, what light through yonder window shone, a slice of cake appeared.

I didn't come up with that myself, it's from Honest Toddler.

I can explain my absence: busyness, and lack of self-confidence, and lack of interest. (I wonder whether I should say that? - case in point)

Reasons I don't think I'll blog much in the near future:

• other goals, e.g. playing flute and piano. I am at present sacrificing precious flute-playing moments in order to type these words.
• Silence is often a better choice. I think I used to value my opinions more highly than i do now, and was quite eager to share them with the world out there. Now, however, having been proven wrong agan and again, I'm not too sure of my grip on reality. (Hence lack of self-confidence). Knowing that the Lord has worked much in my heart that I am really greatful for, maturing and relaxing and such, I am probably more likely to write things of value now than I used to, but my confidence is a bit knockoed by life. I am not even sure that I am less confident now rather than less interested. But I think I am.
• On second thoughts maybe I will. I just thought of a great reason to blog: to testify to what the Lord does in my life. Only, I don't neccesarily want that to be public. Telling of revelations I have received without revealing deep struggles and issues I carried will only sound all hoity-toity and 'I'm so spiritual'. But it might not, if I'm just honest without telling everything. In fact, I think this is a brilliant reason. Here goes...

A very short testimony of God's love in my life: I have a lot of peace. I have way more patience with people than I used to. I am aware of my imperfections, though admittedly not very aware of my sinfulness (yes yes, it's self-righteous I know but I'm not going to try and fix this by finding fault with me, I already do that automatically). Lately I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect, and I don't need to be. Both of these are/were quite hard to accept, also that I won't ever be. But the process of practicing to accept this and reminding myself of this is a really good place to be. It's really quite very liberating.

I've also been realising lately that I have wonderful, wise parents, and that following their advice brings great blessing. Oo, now doesn't that sound mature... Anyway, it's such a relief to be able to get advice from them to follow. I hope I'm not following them too closely because I don't trust my own judgement and it's so much easier when they make decisions, but it's so much easier and peaceful. Naturally when I disagree I make my opinions known, often in disrespectful ways which I only realise was wrong several days later...

This blogpost went in a completely different direction to what I expected... :)