Hidden Motives

There are quite a few seemingly 'noble' things that I do, or want to do, for selfish/non-noble reasons.

Like knitting, for instance. I like to knit. To make pretty, creative things, and improve my spectacular knitting skills. The only problems are: What do I do with the stuff I've knitted? and  Do projects have to last for ever?

So I knit little gifts, mostly. That way I'm not stuck with a stash of things I don't want to wear because they are really wierd, I mean, oddly interesting. Especially baby things. They are the cutest. They really are.

The only problem is, people (especially mothers) get overawed about these little things. Just because they never learnt to knit properly, they think I'm this amazing knitting expert.

I may be exaggerating somewhat. The point is, people are impressed by me dumping knitted baby clothing on them. Because they think its good of me or something.

This is not the only thing that I am accidentally misleading about. Take being a missionary, for instance. I don't want to be a missionary in order to be a seemingly great Christian. (I don't like the word Christian, but that's another story).

My bad selfish reasons for being a missionary:

I get an adventure.
I feel better about myself.
I grow spiritually. (Is this a bad reason?)

My good reasons for being a missionary:

I grow spiritually. (Yes it is, I've decided)
I do something important.
I don't waste my life.
I do something which is not futile. (See Ecclesiastes)

Please note the last three reasons are synonyms, but it looks better that way. :)

I'm glad most of my friends don't read my blog, because I don't want to make my missionary-dreams public. (Haha, and I put it on my blog). People wouldn't understand, I think. They'd feel guilty. Or they'd think I'm a hypocrite (if it doesn't work out). Or an idealist (like those people with their heads in the stratosphere, you know?).

I should probably not care what people think. I think the reason we all do care anyway, is because we're afraid they might be right.