Hidden Motives

There are quite a few seemingly 'noble' things that I do, or want to do, for selfish/non-noble reasons.

Like knitting, for instance. I like to knit. To make pretty, creative things, and improve my spectacular knitting skills. The only problems are: What do I do with the stuff I've knitted? and  Do projects have to last for ever?

So I knit little gifts, mostly. That way I'm not stuck with a stash of things I don't want to wear because they are really wierd, I mean, oddly interesting. Especially baby things. They are the cutest. They really are.

The only problem is, people (especially mothers) get overawed about these little things. Just because they never learnt to knit properly, they think I'm this amazing knitting expert.

I may be exaggerating somewhat. The point is, people are impressed by me dumping knitted baby clothing on them. Because they think its good of me or something.

This is not the only thing that I am accidentally misleading about. Take being a missionary, for instance. I don't want to be a missionary in order to be a seemingly great Christian. (I don't like the word Christian, but that's another story).

My bad selfish reasons for being a missionary:

I get an adventure.
I feel better about myself.
I grow spiritually. (Is this a bad reason?)

My good reasons for being a missionary:

I grow spiritually. (Yes it is, I've decided)
I do something important.
I don't waste my life.
I do something which is not futile. (See Ecclesiastes)

Please note the last three reasons are synonyms, but it looks better that way. :)

I'm glad most of my friends don't read my blog, because I don't want to make my missionary-dreams public. (Haha, and I put it on my blog). People wouldn't understand, I think. They'd feel guilty. Or they'd think I'm a hypocrite (if it doesn't work out). Or an idealist (like those people with their heads in the stratosphere, you know?).

I should probably not care what people think. I think the reason we all do care anyway, is because we're afraid they might be right.

The inarticulate sheep

Sheep are really dumb.

But I like them. Something about their glazed looks and woolly brains appeals to me. Maybe its their benevolence. They would never hurt a fly. Even in a whole gang they could never manage to. Its totally beyond their faculties.

Lambs are even more appealing. And they seem to be smarter. They look at you with somewhat more than boredom. Maybe they're just in the beginning stages of their growth into daytime hibernators, but they seem to still possess a spark of interest and curiosity. Could be hunger.

To get to the adjective. It appears sometimes that I am too inarticulate to blog. Using big words doesn't count. I don't blog with a purpose, with a message to convey. (Apart from analysing or criticising sheep and facebook). Hence my posts don't have conclusions.

Oh well. At least I enjoy myself. :D

Facebook

Ever since I got facebook, it annoyed me. There was less real social interaction I had hoped for. It was much more egotistical than I had anticipated.

Funny statuses, not to make people laugh, but to reflect on your own genius for coming up with them. Deep, thoughtful comments, not to make people think, but to prove that you did. Maybe I am the only person whose underlying, unconscious reason for saying something is to prove that I have an opinion. Maybe everyone else says things in utter unselfishness and goodwill, and to make the world a better place.  Maybe some of us really do things, not to impress, but to enrich. But I doubt it.

But then again, what's wrong with showing-off? If you're good at art, or photography, why not 'share' the product of your unrivaled talent (or lack of it) with the world? It's a good way to get criticism, sure enough. Assuming your friends have the capacities for constructive criticism. (If they don't, destructive will have to do).

It seems some people are afraid to criticise, and others are afraid not to. Some think they will be seen as a softee (and a stupid one at that) if they cannot find a mistake in your work, and others are afraid to go beyond "Oh, that's lovely". I am obviously more on the critical side. :P

I am probably being too critical. There are probably good people out there who say things for reasons other than feeling smart or resourceful or funny or impressing people. And getting likes. People who are not surprised when they get no notifications after a week off facebook. Who doesn't use facebook unconsciously to boost their self-esteem and their how-many-people-like-me-rating.

I could be the only negative, critical, egotistical, insecure user. Who knows?

I'm all cheerful and bouncy happy today.

I wonder what it could be this time? Didn't have any second-hand stimulants, as far as I know.

My English teacher bunked. Went off somewhere to organize Mandarin lessons, of all things. So glad I don't go there by bicycle.

I'm in the process of making rusks. Used All-Bran instead of muesli, and All-Bran instead of bran. And added some more All-Bran.

I hope you, the reader, wasn't bored off your chair. :)

Annoyance

I am annoyed and grumpy. Earlier today I was just fine. I had a nice afternoon at work, not as sleepy as last time. I was a little saddened (and smelly) by the fact that my friend's mother chain-smokes, but it didn't get me down. (Maybe it was the second-hand nicotine). After work I made a nice pudding and ate quite a bit of chocolate in the process. Our best friends came over for supper

The pudding burnt. It wasn't even my fault. I had the oven at the right temperature (if not lower), and I took it out the oven earlier (because it was going black-bottomed). Quite a dissapointment.

My best friend and my siblings went to play poker. I don't feel comfortable with this, so I didn't play. Now I resent them for insisting on playing three varieties (more than an hour exile for me), and they resent me for not being happy about it since 'it's your decision'. I was looking forward to chatting with my friend, because we haven't talked for a long time. But no. It's 'my' decision.

Blanket Project

We had this great idea. A knitting project, where we don't knit. We get other people to knit for us.

There are organizations who collect hand-knit blankets and give them to charities. Personally, knitting squares would bore me to death. But I know some people don't know what to knit besides scarves, and this is an ideal feel good project.

Besides, who wants to knit a whole blanket, right?  Our slaves loyal knitters will do the squares, and we'll sew them up. Sounds like a brilliant idea, right? Well, the knitters don't seem to agree. So far we have one person who is willing to oblige. One!

Sigh.

I hope we get more recruits soon.

Confused Computer Miscomputation

I couldn't blog for a while, because our computer thought it was 2007, and the security certificates of the website would only become valid in 2009. Meanwhile, I was stuck frustrated in 2011.

The problem was fixed when I found out about it. :)

I wonder how that could happen?