That Final Undiscovered Country

I think it was Lewis, C.S. Lewis, who referred to the future as 'that final undiscovered territory'. And that is the topic that has been impressing itself lightly but nevertheless on my consciousness.

The greatest portion of my life still lies ahead of me, should matters take the non-tragic course and I am not made a young martyr or come to a similar end before I reach a ripe age. I have an idea of what this portion of my life may look like, but that is merely a figment of my imagination, encouraged but what I would like it to be.

But we have no idea. I would like mine to be filled with children, joy and travelling. But at any moment the sea ahead of us (if time could be likened to an ocean stretching out before us) could present a tidal wave that changes our course entirely, or sinks our little ship and obliterates that future.

For a while before the possibilities of the future occupied my mind, I had been preoccupied with the idea that one shouldn't focus on the past or the future, but only on the present. And then a friend helped it occur to me that all along the 'present' we experience is actually the past, as everything we experience we experience after the fact. What we see, what we hear, we sense afterwards thanks to the speed of light and sound.

Which renders the present an uncertainty. The only certainty about it is the Lord, because he is there.

Which led me back to this: 

don't focus on the present, you can't. Focus on the Lord.

Things My Children Say

God has a sense of humour.

I am recently very aware of this. It's not that He's doing ironic things to me and it's my job in the divine game to find something funny about my circumstances. Not at all. It's actually a joyous awareness of God's sense of fun and funny.

I realised upon reading John Eldredge's Beautiful Outlaw that Jesus had a sense of fun. This should actually be pretty evident considering how joyfully funny many born-again believers are. It was not evident to me because I didn't recognise Jesus's sense of fun in the Gospels until the events therein were read and explained from the point of view that Jesus was a funny guy (due respect intended but alas never attained).

So, God has changed my perspective of Him through this book. Where before if i had a silly struggle i would solemnly ask God's forgiveness and His help to change me into the perfect being He [sic] wants me to be, now I grin sheepishly knowing that He's just laughing at me like a dad laughing at His little girl that puts on His glasses upside down. [cool picture eh?]

it's so awesome. soo so so awesome.

it's life changing to think of God as happy and enjoying me. Enjoying me because I'm silly and prone to mistakes and misconceptions. I'm his little girl, for crying out loud!

My mother has these little books in which she wrote down funny things me and my siblings said when we were small and even sillier than we are now. I wonder if somewhere on God's bookshelf he has one titled "Things My Children Say".

keep your eyes on Me

In the lives of those that follow there is going to come a time When rhythm starts to stumble and singsong swallows rhyme When imaginations crumble, false foundations turn to dust Towers fall to piles of stones and girders into rust Til you let the blood of Jesus wash the rubble from your mind And your eyes again can see the one you almost left behind When theology's in tatters and reason is absurd Still your soul in silence and listen for His word So many turns, so many ways, so many voices cry Standing at the crossroads watching time go flashing by Indecision paralyzes, it's the fear of choosing wrong But waiting is a step itself, and you're wondering too long So again you search the scripture, and again you ask your friends But last of all the One who knows the beginning from the end In the clamor and confusion and the blindness of your choice Still your soul in silence, and listen for His voice.

by Don Francisco

Jewish Music

While this actually belongs in my other blog, hardly anyone ever reads it and so I repost it here:
 
An old mitnaged went to a neighboring town on business, but it took longer than expected and Sukkot prevented him from returning home. Since his host was a Chasid, he attended his first Chasidic services. When he came home, his wife asked him how the services were.

“Well,” said the farmer, “it was interesting. I don't know if it was good, but it was interesting. They did something different, however. Instead of regular, ordinary zmiros, they sang niggunim.”

“Niggunim?” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they're OK. They're sort of like zmiros, only different.”

“Well, what’s the difference?”

“Well, it’s like this—if I were to say to you, ‘Rivka, the cows are in the corn,’ so, that would be a zmiro. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you, ‘Rivka, Rivka, Rivka, OY! Rivka, Rivka ...the cows, ya-dee-diddle-ay-dah ... the brown one, the black one, the white one, the black and white one! AY-derri-da-ee-dum ... the cows are in the ay-chiri-biri-biddle-ay-bum-corn, in the corn—OY! Ribbono shel Oylom ... the cows ... !’ Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well, that would be a niggun.”

Meanwhile, in another part of the country... A young Chasid went to Germany on business, and while there attended his first Reform service. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

“Well,” said the young man, “It was interesting. I don't know if it was good, but it was interesting. They did something different, however. Instead of regular niggunim, they sang choral anthems.”

“Choral anthems?” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they're OK. They're sort of like niggunim, only different.”

“Well, what’s the difference?’

“Well, it's like this—if I were to say to you, ‘Rivka, the cows are in the corn,’ well, that would be a regular niggun. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

‘Oh Rivka, my Rivka, do thou hear my cry,
May thine ear attend now to the words that I say,
Turn thou thine attention to me by and by
To the praise of the wondrous creation today!

‘For the way of the animals none can explain
There is in their heads not a shadow of sense,
They hearken no wise to God’s sun or His rain
Unless from temptation of corn they are fenced.

‘Yea, those cows in their bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all of the gold of my sweet corn have chewed.

‘So look to the glory-day that is ahead,
When the impulses lowly are purged and reborn,
When the fences we build will stand un-trample-ed,
And we live righteous lives, not as cows in the corn.’

And then ... if I were to repeat verses one and three, and then two and four ... well, that would be a choral anthem.”

happiness

I am incredibly happy at present.

I am writing this, in part to remind myself in future times that I was happy at present moment. So I can remember when things go rough that life actually has the potential to be really good and pleasant and enjoyable.

I am also writing to avoid other duties, such as homework, studying, and playing flute. I have made a rule for myself about playing flute: I may not do any studying/homework duties, or go on Facebook, before I have played a bit of flute. The last bit of the resolution was added later. I am surprisingly good at sticking to this resolution, according to my standards. I'm not usually good at resolutions particularly not those that concern eating.

I'm not too sure why I'm so happy. I could have blamed it on 'knowing I'm in God's will', but to be honest I know I fall way short of His perfect will. Maybe it's knowing that it's okay, I don't have to measure up. A journey towards accepting imperfection.

It's like this: I don't know what He wants me to do. I think he wants me to live and enjoy life joyfully, but a little voice in me pipes up and says that can't possibly be true! Life is not about your own enjoyment, it's about glorifying God. And I know that, I have just been thinking lately that enjoying myself is a way of glorifyig Him. Enjoying my work, working hard, enjoying rest, resting well and happily, enjoying dinners out (despite the expense), enjoying being by myself and being with friends, does all of this not glorify God?

Or does He actually want me to spend every minute I can spare rigorously seeking and 'praising' Him?

I don't know. But I have peace about that (which is profound for me). I have a sense that's it's okay not to know.  And I have a strong inclination towards the former, despite my doubts...

Ed. update: I realise a very important part of this whole happy-story which I forgot to mention. A day or so -or a night- before the happiness set in again, I was feeling pretty mopey and down and tired and bad about feeling mopey etc., and I really wanted to be excited about life. So I asked God to change me so I could enjoy life (or something to that effect), and voila, see who's here. :) So I am  greatful* and excited and happy and peaceful - and wondering a bit whether I should be so chilled. 

*(The original spelling of the word reminds me too much of a sharp surface designedfor slicing cheese into strips)

Imperfection

This blog post is inspired by:

The learning curve I'm on right now, called You don't need to be so perfect a.k.a. You don't need to be perfect.  Still can't decide which one is more perfect.

This blogpost and accompanying blog - http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/2554/

This youtube video:

The reason being that said blogpost sums up my day - an utterly normal so-called 'boring' (b.k.a.[better known as] unfilled with activity) day which is highly enjoyable and fun and joyful. I think the source of this happiness is a sense of security in God, and is just basically a great and not-sufficiently recognized and applauded [that's not the word I'm looking for] blessing from Him. Life is AMAZING at times like these. I think I will go outside and savor the last part of this blessed day and talk to Him. And hopefully not try to please Him, because apparently I shouldn't try. Or maybe that's just me taking grace out of proportion... Aaaanyway.

The video also appealed to me because the stars are so normal and imperfect and I loove that. I don't really like the song that much.

The End of the Ten Commandments

You know those rules so often cited by traditional moralists (Christians, Jews and Muslims) as a code for morality? They're called the Ten Commandments, as I'm sure you're aware, and to be honest they're a bit old.

They were apparently given to Moses who led the Israelites out of Egypt, back when Egypt was run by Pharoahs. That's a very long time ago. Why should we still go by laws that some guy with a beard chiselled out of stone thousands of years ago? Do you think thousands of years from now people will stop at stop signs?

Here follows a systematic analysis of each command, and its irrelevancy.

I am the Lord you God.
Thanks God, but I already have someone running my life. He's called Me. And I'm fine. The fact that I am not responsible for my birth and that I have no idea why I exist is irrelevant. Sorry to disappoint you. Or not.

Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.
Can I have one behind you? See, even the language is outdated. Not to mention I'm way to evolutionarily advanced to bow down to some god somewhere. Excuse me, I have a football game. Bye.

Do not take the Lord's name in vain.
Sorry, what? You mean, I shouldn't swear? Can I swear if I don't use your name? Or maybe I shouldn't look in the mirror admiring myself while I swear? Anyway, Hollywood's been swearing for a while and I see no massive earthquake in the vicinity. It's cool to swear, okay.

Remember the Sabbath day to keep it.
Excuse me? I'll rest when I want to. Not to mention resting so much is just lazy. You think the Chinese rest for one seventh of their lives? Well, they seem to be taking over the world.

Honor thy father and they mother.
Isn't that a bit exclusive? I mean, in the first place it assumes that I have a father and a mother. What about Lilly from Modern Family? How is she to honor her mother? Also, most fathers seem to be a bit absent from the scene. Kinda difficult to honor a guy you've never met. Not to mention, the whole idea of honoring someone else draws attention away from your own rights.

Thou shalt not kill.
Fair enough. But everyone knows it will be bad for their reputation if they start mowing down their neighbours. It's just bad for society in general. Naturally, the size of the person is important. The smaller, the more okay it will be to kill the person. Tracing a life back to its origins, by the time the person is still inside the womb, its not a person anymore. It's wrong to kill a pregnant mother, but it would not have been wrong to kill her a few years ago, when she was still in her own mother's womb. It's kinda obvious.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.
That's not really any of your business. I will sleep with whoever I want, whenever I want to, whether they you like it or not. Don't come at me with 'that could also be bad for society', that belongs to a different paragraph altogether, which is now closed. F*** society. I got my rights. And my rights always trumps those of anyone else. If people could let go of all these restrictions everyone would be a whole lot happier. No I haven't done any studies to prove it.

Thou shalt not steal.
Not from me, anyways. Most people who steal do so cos they need to. It's just a product of a dysfunctional society. Would you punish those who respond in the way they are forced to do. Also, taxes. Some say this whole stealing thing applies to tax-evasion. I say, why pay if you're smart enough not to? Survival of the crafty.

- I wrote this blogpost sometime last year, and to be honest I'm quite impressed with it. I don't know why I didn't publish it...

behold, a blog post

Soft, what light through yonder window shone, a slice of cake appeared.

I didn't come up with that myself, it's from Honest Toddler.

I can explain my absence: busyness, and lack of self-confidence, and lack of interest. (I wonder whether I should say that? - case in point)

Reasons I don't think I'll blog much in the near future:

• other goals, e.g. playing flute and piano. I am at present sacrificing precious flute-playing moments in order to type these words.
• Silence is often a better choice. I think I used to value my opinions more highly than i do now, and was quite eager to share them with the world out there. Now, however, having been proven wrong agan and again, I'm not too sure of my grip on reality. (Hence lack of self-confidence). Knowing that the Lord has worked much in my heart that I am really greatful for, maturing and relaxing and such, I am probably more likely to write things of value now than I used to, but my confidence is a bit knockoed by life. I am not even sure that I am less confident now rather than less interested. But I think I am.
• On second thoughts maybe I will. I just thought of a great reason to blog: to testify to what the Lord does in my life. Only, I don't neccesarily want that to be public. Telling of revelations I have received without revealing deep struggles and issues I carried will only sound all hoity-toity and 'I'm so spiritual'. But it might not, if I'm just honest without telling everything. In fact, I think this is a brilliant reason. Here goes...

A very short testimony of God's love in my life: I have a lot of peace. I have way more patience with people than I used to. I am aware of my imperfections, though admittedly not very aware of my sinfulness (yes yes, it's self-righteous I know but I'm not going to try and fix this by finding fault with me, I already do that automatically). Lately I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect, and I don't need to be. Both of these are/were quite hard to accept, also that I won't ever be. But the process of practicing to accept this and reminding myself of this is a really good place to be. It's really quite very liberating.

I've also been realising lately that I have wonderful, wise parents, and that following their advice brings great blessing. Oo, now doesn't that sound mature... Anyway, it's such a relief to be able to get advice from them to follow. I hope I'm not following them too closely because I don't trust my own judgement and it's so much easier when they make decisions, but it's so much easier and peaceful. Naturally when I disagree I make my opinions known, often in disrespectful ways which I only realise was wrong several days later...

This blogpost went in a completely different direction to what I expected... :)