adios amigos, adios

Behold, the end of the blog has come.
No longer am I musing to myself, doubting every word I write.

May we never lose our wonder.

May you too be absolutely taken in like this and turned around and set back on course.

May you lose all things you cling to for dear life, that will never float you on the ocean.

G'day to ya.

Nay, may we meet again on the other side.

Jainism - or anything else really

Does it bring life?

Does it ring true?

What is its highest value and the centre around which is revolved?

What is the goal? What is the means to that end?

What greater worldview/philosophy does it fit into? Is this worldview consistent with the actual reality? Can it at all be reconciled with reality or is it on another plane of existence entirely constructed in the minds of the believers? i.e. Is there any external evidence to this belief system?

Is the basic philosophy of this belief system internally consistent, or does it contradict itself? If it contradicts itself, does it cease to be a viable and trustworthy belief system/worldview or can these contradictions be reconciled? What is an absolute contradiction and what is an irrelevant contradiction and how should one differentiate?

What is meaning? Why is it important? Why do we test beliefs according to facts? Why is there the concept that facts and truth function in separate areas of life and should not be confused? When did we start to separate the two ideas from one another? Is there such a thing as a truth gradient? Is there such a thing as an irrelevant fact? What would it be irrelevant to? Are facts relevant? What to? Are they relevant to truth?

What is truth?

Is truth the most relevant fact, or does it not need external relevance to substantiate itself? Is it in fact relevant without needing to be relevant? How can truth need to be anything, whether relevant or irrelevant? Is it truth that needs substantiation, or is it our human need to find and investigate and derive and prove that the world holds together in some way? Does truth need to be acknowledged in order to be true?

Jainism after all

I do still feel compelled, however, to do as I said I would and explain why I don't  believe in Jainism.

A question that I believe to be a good test of any philosophy of life is does it bring life? In other words, does it lead to greater goodness, stronger and more genuine love, and revelation of truth in the lives of those who adhere to it, or does it lead in the other direction?

In Jainism, there is a concept known as Moksha where one annihilates all karma (good and bad) and become a Siddha (one that has attained the ultimate goal). They can then go on to Moksha where their souls are finally freed from the endless cycle of birth and death (reincarnation), and ultimately achieve it’s pure self.

That, in a nutshell, is what Jainism is all about. - www.modernjainism.com/testimony/

What I consider to be the primary problem with Jainism, as with all religion*, is that it is inherently selfish. In Jainism the point is to reach Moksha. Most religions have the idea that some sense of 'heaven' can be acheived - whether Paradise, enlightenment, Moksha, or the like, Some religions, such as Christianity and Islam, also believe in an alternative which involves eternal pain. This alternative, the consequence of failing to please God, then inspires fear in the members and drives them to work harder for their place in paradise.

How the Jesus-movement differs, is that once relationship with Jesus is entered, heaven (or 'salvation') is already secured, so there should be no more striving. All good deeds are not done in order to merit a place in heaven, or to outweigh the bad ones. Rather, good deeds are done because they are good, because they benefit another, and because as our love for Jesus grows so does our desire to be like him. This is love -  to give or do for the benefit of another, at cost to yourself and not for your own gain.

Unfortunately, members of the Jesus movement, those who know him and are known by him, very easily fall into a fearful religious mentality where they return to their old ways of trying to earn God's favour and their own merit and in doing so misrepresent who he is and what his love means. I am one of these, but I hope I will learn quickly to rest in his love and already-pleased-ness instead of striving for what cannot be earned.

* Religion -  a human system of serving a philosophy, person, God or another , usually in the interest of attaining a goal that serves personal interests.

Jesus and Jainism

Dear friend

You asked me to defend my disbelief in Jainism. I thought it better to defend my actual beliefs, to figure out a statement of defence of my faith.

The conversations we've had, among other things, has nudged me to question my beliefs, at least to ask the question why?

Why do I believe in a God, a Creator? Why do I 'give my life' to Jesus? Why do I believe in Him?

When I was fifteen years old these questions plagued me, and the thoughts whirred around and around in my head, questioning and contradicting one another, and a great fear gripped me that I don't believe, do not have the evidence to do so, and therefore am condemned. It was very scary, so scary that at times I could hardly even eat.

At a point it dawned on me, with the aid of my dad's wisdom, that I could choose to believe, and this set many fears to rest. So yes, it was a choice.

But still, why choose this way? Why choose Jesus? Why choose the God who is said to have revealed himself to Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Samuel, David and many many others?

Firstly. I believe creation is ample evidence for a Creator. It seems to make logical sense that existence does not come from non-existence, and that complex systems are made by intelligent beings, and that life does not come from non-life. Stands to reason that there is an intelligent being behind it, who breathed life into the living.

But why believe in this specific God? Why believe that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is the creator? Why not the pantheon of Rome? Why not the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

So.. my answer to that, is Jesus. Haha, cop-out right? Swimming in circles? no.

I'm arguing from the resurrection. Jesus said that only the sign of Jonah will be given to those seeking a sign, the sign of Jonah is his death and resurrection. If Jesus was resurrected from the dead (evidence to follow), then it follows that he was no ordinary man, that supernatural powers were at work and are real, that there is more to life than we can see. His resurrection would prove his wildest claim (that he is to rise from the dead), and gives him resounding credibility.

Much research has been done with regards to his death and resurrection, more can be read here. In summary though, historical evidence suggests he died on the cross, a few days later his body 'went missing', and around five hundred people saw him alive and breathing after even more had seen him die. The fact that the resurrection accounts depict women as the first witnesses to Jesus' resurrection draws serious question to the theories that the accounts were fictional - women's witness were not considered all that credible in 1st century Middle Eastern culture. Of all the possibilities, the idea that Jesus rose from the dead seems to be the narrative best supported by historical evidence.

"The silence of history is deafening when it comes to the testimony against the resurrection" - Tom Anderson

The resurrection draws sharp attention to Jesus.  While the resurrection in itself is not conclusive proof that Jesus is the Son of God and the coming Messiah, it does demand that Jesus be given serious consideration. Upon closer investigation one finds that Jesus fulfills many prophecies given by the prophets of Israel throughout the centuries, foretelling of a Saviour and Messiah who would suffer for the salvation of his people, the fulfilment of God's promises to Abraham, the father of the faith.

Many feel that faith is a leap in the dark, a self-inflicted blindness, a mindless submission to tradition, but this need not be the case, and indeed should not. The story is told of Thomas who, shortly after Jesus resurrection, refused to believe that Jesus was alive until he had seen it with his own eyes, and had touched Jesus' wounds. To this, Jesus appeared to Thomas, and invited him to touch his wounds, to examine the evidence and see for himself that Jesus was as alive as ever.

to be unintentional

I have a thought.

I have had this thought peeking its head around corners for the last few months, reminding me of its existence, yet seeking deeper and deeper into vagueness as time went on.

The thought is this: to be unintentional*

Back in the day (about a year ago), being intentional was big in Church. Don't just let life float by you, waving at it as it passes by (thanks Johhny Depp**). Be intentional. Don't just want to read your Bible, read it. Don't just wish you'd pray more, do it. Get up at six in the morning, or at five in the afternoon, open your Bible, close your eyes, and get down to it.

Be intentional.

beintentionalbeintentionalbeintentionalbeintentionalbeintentional

My truly lovely small group leader had the words pray, love, something-else-that's-also-important, and be intentional on her pin-board. It is really cool, and really true, and she carries an authority that would be wasted without intention. Being intentional is a part of her.

And yet, true and right and very Christian as it is - being intentional - a voice in me said be unintentional.  

Be unintentional.

do you know what that means? To be intentional, as far as my little brain understood it, meant to do things that you intend to do, on purpose, with the result that those things you intended to do got done, with the result (since Church was saying it) that God's intentions were realised through our doings and becomings.

so to be unintentional? not quite the opposite. to my little heart (which sometimes strained [strains?] at the seams with intentionality and confusion about realising the Lord's intentions), to be unintentional meant to relax - to let the Lord realise his intentions without my efforts and anxiety, without me knowing what I'm doing, or trying so very hard to know and to do and to fit my puzzle piece at the right moment into the right pigeon hole so I can breathe a great deep sigh of relief that at least that was over, and hope I don't get any more assignments of the devil, to piously carry out with clenched teeth and deeply suppressed groans of frustration.

To be unintentional meant that I could sit down, take the squawking birds out my ears and my hair, and put down the suitcases I didn't know I was carrying and couldn't remember picking up in the first place, and to breath an actual cry of relief.

Sometimes repentance looks like giving up. Giving up the fight, giving up the effort, giving up the works.

And my hope was and is that when I miss it completely, and finally come to the end of my strength and admit defeat, declare that I surrender the war on me, and go take a nap, the Lord's intentions will be realised.

I have a testimony about that, which combines intentionality with unintentionality. One Sunday, on the way back from SOS, still in a bit of a daze, I walked by two ladies sitting on the sidewalk, and turned around to sit with them and talk with them and pray with them. They turned out to be Zimbabweans, new to the country. This was a non-anxiety laden encounter. I then breezily walked off, pushed myself into the nearest old-age home to ask someone (anyone!) if I could pray for them, who regarded me from above their glasses (which should have been horn-rimmed for literary effect) and begrudgingly allowed me to do so and dash out again in a flurry of righteous embarrassment. Having fled that scene, I found the ladies mentioned above in the street before the old age home, one of whom told me that her back pain too had fled the scene when I prayed for her, and where could they find my church.

So that's what I meant by unintentionality. I did not get a word of knowledge about backpain, I did not rebuke the backpain and command it to leave because I didn't know about rebuking things and I also didn't know about the backpain. I did not rummage up enough 'faith' to withstand the backpain because, as I said, I didn't know about the pain. And I didn't pray about it at all.

All I did was go with the feeling (a feeling external to myself) that I should return to them, and sat and prayed with them. And left. I think you could call it obedience. I guess that's what Sias meant when he said "God desires your obedience not your performance".

absence leaves

I have not been writing here much the last while, and this intends to change. A few months ago i had some pressing ideas which I wanted to pin down, but did not for one cowardly reason.

I realised that I might look back on what I had written and feel stupid. Or feel that I had been stupid. Now I look back on that and realise I have been stupid.

I learnt in the past few months (or the Lord taught me), that it is okay, even  good, to fail. He showed me a cracked jar, and that the light shines through the cracks. The cracks are good, serve to bring Him glory and let His light shine. This helped me immensely to relax.

I enjoy writing, and some of my thoughts are actually important and can make a difference. (What I just said is the kind of thing I would be afraid of looking back on and being ashamed of). But it's true. We all have important thoughts sometimes, that can influence each other and the world at large for the better.

I look forward to putting these thoughts into words and stringing them together and rearraging them and so forth. I hope you and the aforementioned world at large enjoys it (apparently Russia is quite interested in my blog).

:)

Secret Sevening

Today, I went for a wander. I walked about the campus, earnestly in search of the entrance to the tower, the tower that grants one vision over Jerusalem. I found the entrance and it was decidedly like one of those abandoned towers one finds in the Secret Seven or the Hardy Boys. The dusty glass doors were shut tight and the shutters hung askew. Had there been rays of sunlight to fall through the dirty glass panes, dust motes would have been lit up as they floated in that leisurely fashion so reminiscent of abandoned buildings.

But the Secret Seven never give up. This was only more reason to set off on a search for that promised view, and set off they did. I thought the security of my venture slightly devious dubious, but that did not thwart me on my journey of discovery. Behind the tower, an ancient chair of black plastic adorned the outdoor living room of some highly suspect individual who was evidently trying to hide something (like the quiet spot and the chair for instance). The chair was placed on a trapdoor of some sort, evidently to distract attention from it, and distract it did for no one thought of moving the chair and descending to the deep dark depths of who knows where. Instead they belted it out of there to find a place less reminiscent of teenage boys having fun with herbs and smoke. The suspect individual mentioned above did not make his appearance, as suspect individuals are known for not doing.

Scoping around I wandered more and more into solitude, and the sound of male voices was not at all reassuring. The nice bit about being in the Secret Seven was always that if three of us got injured there would be one person to accompany them and the last to go find help. Not being in such a well-organized group, numerically speaking, I was a bit worried about who would go for help, when the voices stilled and I scoped a young lady running by. This did not appear to be the kind of girl who generally goes for sporadic runs without something chasing her, but this is what she seemed to be doing, since the carriers of the voices were not involved, and neither were carriers of other voices in sight.

She ran by. I followed her, at a leisurely and nonchalant speed (or I would have if I was one of those people). We came out to an open-air auditorium, with several gates that form what one could call an arch. One would not notice it much had the person you had been following (semi-nonchalantly, shall we say) not proceeded to climb the arch.

I reached her almost before she reached the top, and asked if I could join. See, such freedom – to run without being chased, to climb without having a mountain, resonates with me, and the child in me (me, really) wants to climb the arch too, instead of passing through like any normal person would. (No offence to normal people, you’re great. And you’re probably not that normal either, be careful around arches and blue skies and such. But actually please don’t, please stop and run for the sky).

She was running for the sky. She had spotted one, one which to me seemed really ordinary. It was in the sky, it was white and grey and it moved and changed shape and brought promises of rain, but otherwise it was really ordinary. But to her, this cloud was worth running like someone not being chased, climbing an arch despite the evident lack of signposts pointing “up this way,” and despite the danger of being followed by strangers who don’t understand clouds, and perhaps had never really seen one.

Together we tried to remember the names of East European countries and how they split up. She apologized for her English and I apologized for my Russian. Jerusalem feels like home, we agreed.

And then I descended the arch and she started walking across it to the other side. I asked her what she was doing, and without walking back she replied, “Just walking. Bye.”

Open Letter to Heath McNease

Dear Heath

I sent you some fan mail a while ago which was very confusing, I agree. I was very tired and so my thoughts flowed through my fingers in a rather disjointed way. I was trying to tell you the following:

You are really cool. I have gotten to know you in a very distant way through your music and your YouTube videos. I never used to be into listening to music as a hobby, but when I do listen, it sometimes ends up a research project… Basically, I have listened to The Weight of Glory so many times that it feels like it’s part of my brain. I have watched your Calls That Never Come video quite a few times and showed it to friends and family. Some of them just squinted and didn’t laugh but those who share my sense of humour (my dad being foremost) laughed all the way through, especially at the Jet Ski. My dad, in fact, was silent with laughter at that point, and almost blind with it too.

What I like about you, Heath, is this. You’re real. You don’t fit into a box, at least not into the boxes I know of. You don’t seem to try hard to be Christian, to appear to be Christian, or to be cool. You just are. And that is an inspiration to me, and to many others, I hope.

Carry on.

Be like that.

Marie

Blog is back, or is it?

For some strange reason, this blog has been on my mind a great deal the last few days.

I don't want to blog. Not really. I don't see the point.

I want to read Narnia, paint pictures for myself and my friends, practice jazz piano, study Greek, Hebrew, and linguistics, make lists of things I need to do, cook lovely healthy food, and learn Korean.

This past term, I have managed to do all of the above and work consistently on a documentary with Wesley van der Westhuizen. So I should be able to blog every now and then as well.

The only problemo is this: of all the things I did get done last term, I got a very little done. I wrote about one song, practiced a very little jazz, painted about seven pictures, studied enough greek and hebrew, did the doc for linguistics but think I did not study enough, cooked a great deal of lovely healthy food (one has to procrastinate on real work, no?), and learnt one Korean word (i heard some more but one stuck). So technically I did do all of the above but I'd like to do more. And I'd like to feel a bit more on top of my work.

The idea for the future of the blog is to share some profound thoughts, not to document my daily life or mood swings, and not to document my deepest dreams and desires. That's for my journal.

I just don't know if it will happen.

It feels like I should do it, because it's on my mind a lot and I like writing. However, those are poor reasons faced with the problemo outlined above and considering that the other things I want to do are things that I actually know what doing them will acheive.

This just seems like an egocentric waste of time. If it's not, please contact me and ask me to blog.

Dear reader,

These pages before you have been filled with sheep, and ponderings, and the occasional lyric. I long to ponder some more upon these pages, fill the spaces with words both eloquent and well put (well put).

But, alas, time is so limited. And the more I learn the more I know how little I know or understand.

I do so love putting thoughts into amusing musings.

So here I am again.

I highly doubt that this shall be a regular occurrence, but I do hope I shall find the time and the thoughts.

The secondary obstacle to my writing is the disorganized nature of my genius. To write well one has to think well. Lack of application delivers poor work, so I'm told.

But fun doesn't require serious appplication. See?

Do not despair, words of wisdom and folly may still come.

That Final Undiscovered Country

I think it was Lewis, C.S. Lewis, who referred to the future as 'that final undiscovered territory'. And that is the topic that has been impressing itself lightly but nevertheless on my consciousness.

The greatest portion of my life still lies ahead of me, should matters take the non-tragic course and I am not made a young martyr or come to a similar end before I reach a ripe age. I have an idea of what this portion of my life may look like, but that is merely a figment of my imagination, encouraged but what I would like it to be.

But we have no idea. I would like mine to be filled with children, joy and travelling. But at any moment the sea ahead of us (if time could be likened to an ocean stretching out before us) could present a tidal wave that changes our course entirely, or sinks our little ship and obliterates that future.

For a while before the possibilities of the future occupied my mind, I had been preoccupied with the idea that one shouldn't focus on the past or the future, but only on the present. And then a friend helped it occur to me that all along the 'present' we experience is actually the past, as everything we experience we experience after the fact. What we see, what we hear, we sense afterwards thanks to the speed of light and sound.

Which renders the present an uncertainty. The only certainty about it is the Lord, because he is there.

Which led me back to this: 

don't focus on the present, you can't. Focus on the Lord.

Things My Children Say

God has a sense of humour.

I am recently very aware of this. It's not that He's doing ironic things to me and it's my job in the divine game to find something funny about my circumstances. Not at all. It's actually a joyous awareness of God's sense of fun and funny.

I realised upon reading John Eldredge's Beautiful Outlaw that Jesus had a sense of fun. This should actually be pretty evident considering how joyfully funny many born-again believers are. It was not evident to me because I didn't recognise Jesus's sense of fun in the Gospels until the events therein were read and explained from the point of view that Jesus was a funny guy (due respect intended but alas never attained).

So, God has changed my perspective of Him through this book. Where before if i had a silly struggle i would solemnly ask God's forgiveness and His help to change me into the perfect being He [sic] wants me to be, now I grin sheepishly knowing that He's just laughing at me like a dad laughing at His little girl that puts on His glasses upside down. [cool picture eh?]

it's so awesome. soo so so awesome.

it's life changing to think of God as happy and enjoying me. Enjoying me because I'm silly and prone to mistakes and misconceptions. I'm his little girl, for crying out loud!

My mother has these little books in which she wrote down funny things me and my siblings said when we were small and even sillier than we are now. I wonder if somewhere on God's bookshelf he has one titled "Things My Children Say".

keep your eyes on Me

In the lives of those that follow there is going to come a time When rhythm starts to stumble and singsong swallows rhyme When imaginations crumble, false foundations turn to dust Towers fall to piles of stones and girders into rust Til you let the blood of Jesus wash the rubble from your mind And your eyes again can see the one you almost left behind When theology's in tatters and reason is absurd Still your soul in silence and listen for His word So many turns, so many ways, so many voices cry Standing at the crossroads watching time go flashing by Indecision paralyzes, it's the fear of choosing wrong But waiting is a step itself, and you're wondering too long So again you search the scripture, and again you ask your friends But last of all the One who knows the beginning from the end In the clamor and confusion and the blindness of your choice Still your soul in silence, and listen for His voice.

by Don Francisco

Jewish Music

While this actually belongs in my other blog, hardly anyone ever reads it and so I repost it here:
 
An old mitnaged went to a neighboring town on business, but it took longer than expected and Sukkot prevented him from returning home. Since his host was a Chasid, he attended his first Chasidic services. When he came home, his wife asked him how the services were.

“Well,” said the farmer, “it was interesting. I don't know if it was good, but it was interesting. They did something different, however. Instead of regular, ordinary zmiros, they sang niggunim.”

“Niggunim?” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they're OK. They're sort of like zmiros, only different.”

“Well, what’s the difference?”

“Well, it’s like this—if I were to say to you, ‘Rivka, the cows are in the corn,’ so, that would be a zmiro. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you, ‘Rivka, Rivka, Rivka, OY! Rivka, Rivka ...the cows, ya-dee-diddle-ay-dah ... the brown one, the black one, the white one, the black and white one! AY-derri-da-ee-dum ... the cows are in the ay-chiri-biri-biddle-ay-bum-corn, in the corn—OY! Ribbono shel Oylom ... the cows ... !’ Then, if I were to repeat the whole thing two or three times, well, that would be a niggun.”

Meanwhile, in another part of the country... A young Chasid went to Germany on business, and while there attended his first Reform service. He came home and his wife asked him how it was.

“Well,” said the young man, “It was interesting. I don't know if it was good, but it was interesting. They did something different, however. Instead of regular niggunim, they sang choral anthems.”

“Choral anthems?” said his wife, “What are those?”

“Oh, they're OK. They're sort of like niggunim, only different.”

“Well, what’s the difference?’

“Well, it's like this—if I were to say to you, ‘Rivka, the cows are in the corn,’ well, that would be a regular niggun. If, on the other hand, I were to say to you:

‘Oh Rivka, my Rivka, do thou hear my cry,
May thine ear attend now to the words that I say,
Turn thou thine attention to me by and by
To the praise of the wondrous creation today!

‘For the way of the animals none can explain
There is in their heads not a shadow of sense,
They hearken no wise to God’s sun or His rain
Unless from temptation of corn they are fenced.

‘Yea, those cows in their bovine, rebellious delight,
Have broke free their shackles, their warm pens eschewed.
Then goaded by minions of darkness and night
They all of the gold of my sweet corn have chewed.

‘So look to the glory-day that is ahead,
When the impulses lowly are purged and reborn,
When the fences we build will stand un-trample-ed,
And we live righteous lives, not as cows in the corn.’

And then ... if I were to repeat verses one and three, and then two and four ... well, that would be a choral anthem.”

happiness

I am incredibly happy at present.

I am writing this, in part to remind myself in future times that I was happy at present moment. So I can remember when things go rough that life actually has the potential to be really good and pleasant and enjoyable.

I am also writing to avoid other duties, such as homework, studying, and playing flute. I have made a rule for myself about playing flute: I may not do any studying/homework duties, or go on Facebook, before I have played a bit of flute. The last bit of the resolution was added later. I am surprisingly good at sticking to this resolution, according to my standards. I'm not usually good at resolutions particularly not those that concern eating.

I'm not too sure why I'm so happy. I could have blamed it on 'knowing I'm in God's will', but to be honest I know I fall way short of His perfect will. Maybe it's knowing that it's okay, I don't have to measure up. A journey towards accepting imperfection.

It's like this: I don't know what He wants me to do. I think he wants me to live and enjoy life joyfully, but a little voice in me pipes up and says that can't possibly be true! Life is not about your own enjoyment, it's about glorifying God. And I know that, I have just been thinking lately that enjoying myself is a way of glorifyig Him. Enjoying my work, working hard, enjoying rest, resting well and happily, enjoying dinners out (despite the expense), enjoying being by myself and being with friends, does all of this not glorify God?

Or does He actually want me to spend every minute I can spare rigorously seeking and 'praising' Him?

I don't know. But I have peace about that (which is profound for me). I have a sense that's it's okay not to know.  And I have a strong inclination towards the former, despite my doubts...

Ed. update: I realise a very important part of this whole happy-story which I forgot to mention. A day or so -or a night- before the happiness set in again, I was feeling pretty mopey and down and tired and bad about feeling mopey etc., and I really wanted to be excited about life. So I asked God to change me so I could enjoy life (or something to that effect), and voila, see who's here. :) So I am  greatful* and excited and happy and peaceful - and wondering a bit whether I should be so chilled. 

*(The original spelling of the word reminds me too much of a sharp surface designedfor slicing cheese into strips)

Imperfection

This blog post is inspired by:

The learning curve I'm on right now, called You don't need to be so perfect a.k.a. You don't need to be perfect.  Still can't decide which one is more perfect.

This blogpost and accompanying blog - http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/2554/

This youtube video:

The reason being that said blogpost sums up my day - an utterly normal so-called 'boring' (b.k.a.[better known as] unfilled with activity) day which is highly enjoyable and fun and joyful. I think the source of this happiness is a sense of security in God, and is just basically a great and not-sufficiently recognized and applauded [that's not the word I'm looking for] blessing from Him. Life is AMAZING at times like these. I think I will go outside and savor the last part of this blessed day and talk to Him. And hopefully not try to please Him, because apparently I shouldn't try. Or maybe that's just me taking grace out of proportion... Aaaanyway.

The video also appealed to me because the stars are so normal and imperfect and I loove that. I don't really like the song that much.

The End of the Ten Commandments

You know those rules so often cited by traditional moralists (Christians, Jews and Muslims) as a code for morality? They're called the Ten Commandments, as I'm sure you're aware, and to be honest they're a bit old.

They were apparently given to Moses who led the Israelites out of Egypt, back when Egypt was run by Pharoahs. That's a very long time ago. Why should we still go by laws that some guy with a beard chiselled out of stone thousands of years ago? Do you think thousands of years from now people will stop at stop signs?

Here follows a systematic analysis of each command, and its irrelevancy.

I am the Lord you God.
Thanks God, but I already have someone running my life. He's called Me. And I'm fine. The fact that I am not responsible for my birth and that I have no idea why I exist is irrelevant. Sorry to disappoint you. Or not.

Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.
Can I have one behind you? See, even the language is outdated. Not to mention I'm way to evolutionarily advanced to bow down to some god somewhere. Excuse me, I have a football game. Bye.

Do not take the Lord's name in vain.
Sorry, what? You mean, I shouldn't swear? Can I swear if I don't use your name? Or maybe I shouldn't look in the mirror admiring myself while I swear? Anyway, Hollywood's been swearing for a while and I see no massive earthquake in the vicinity. It's cool to swear, okay.

Remember the Sabbath day to keep it.
Excuse me? I'll rest when I want to. Not to mention resting so much is just lazy. You think the Chinese rest for one seventh of their lives? Well, they seem to be taking over the world.

Honor thy father and they mother.
Isn't that a bit exclusive? I mean, in the first place it assumes that I have a father and a mother. What about Lilly from Modern Family? How is she to honor her mother? Also, most fathers seem to be a bit absent from the scene. Kinda difficult to honor a guy you've never met. Not to mention, the whole idea of honoring someone else draws attention away from your own rights.

Thou shalt not kill.
Fair enough. But everyone knows it will be bad for their reputation if they start mowing down their neighbours. It's just bad for society in general. Naturally, the size of the person is important. The smaller, the more okay it will be to kill the person. Tracing a life back to its origins, by the time the person is still inside the womb, its not a person anymore. It's wrong to kill a pregnant mother, but it would not have been wrong to kill her a few years ago, when she was still in her own mother's womb. It's kinda obvious.

Thou shalt not commit adultery.
That's not really any of your business. I will sleep with whoever I want, whenever I want to, whether they you like it or not. Don't come at me with 'that could also be bad for society', that belongs to a different paragraph altogether, which is now closed. F*** society. I got my rights. And my rights always trumps those of anyone else. If people could let go of all these restrictions everyone would be a whole lot happier. No I haven't done any studies to prove it.

Thou shalt not steal.
Not from me, anyways. Most people who steal do so cos they need to. It's just a product of a dysfunctional society. Would you punish those who respond in the way they are forced to do. Also, taxes. Some say this whole stealing thing applies to tax-evasion. I say, why pay if you're smart enough not to? Survival of the crafty.

- I wrote this blogpost sometime last year, and to be honest I'm quite impressed with it. I don't know why I didn't publish it...

behold, a blog post

Soft, what light through yonder window shone, a slice of cake appeared.

I didn't come up with that myself, it's from Honest Toddler.

I can explain my absence: busyness, and lack of self-confidence, and lack of interest. (I wonder whether I should say that? - case in point)

Reasons I don't think I'll blog much in the near future:

• other goals, e.g. playing flute and piano. I am at present sacrificing precious flute-playing moments in order to type these words.
• Silence is often a better choice. I think I used to value my opinions more highly than i do now, and was quite eager to share them with the world out there. Now, however, having been proven wrong agan and again, I'm not too sure of my grip on reality. (Hence lack of self-confidence). Knowing that the Lord has worked much in my heart that I am really greatful for, maturing and relaxing and such, I am probably more likely to write things of value now than I used to, but my confidence is a bit knockoed by life. I am not even sure that I am less confident now rather than less interested. But I think I am.
• On second thoughts maybe I will. I just thought of a great reason to blog: to testify to what the Lord does in my life. Only, I don't neccesarily want that to be public. Telling of revelations I have received without revealing deep struggles and issues I carried will only sound all hoity-toity and 'I'm so spiritual'. But it might not, if I'm just honest without telling everything. In fact, I think this is a brilliant reason. Here goes...

A very short testimony of God's love in my life: I have a lot of peace. I have way more patience with people than I used to. I am aware of my imperfections, though admittedly not very aware of my sinfulness (yes yes, it's self-righteous I know but I'm not going to try and fix this by finding fault with me, I already do that automatically). Lately I've been coming to terms with the fact that I'm not perfect, and I don't need to be. Both of these are/were quite hard to accept, also that I won't ever be. But the process of practicing to accept this and reminding myself of this is a really good place to be. It's really quite very liberating.

I've also been realising lately that I have wonderful, wise parents, and that following their advice brings great blessing. Oo, now doesn't that sound mature... Anyway, it's such a relief to be able to get advice from them to follow. I hope I'm not following them too closely because I don't trust my own judgement and it's so much easier when they make decisions, but it's so much easier and peaceful. Naturally when I disagree I make my opinions known, often in disrespectful ways which I only realise was wrong several days later...

This blogpost went in a completely different direction to what I expected... :)

count the cost

...for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that moment what you must say.

depths of glory

when you enter the depths
of despair
and you keep going deeper
fearing the bottom, fearing eternity

when you cry
out
and there's no answer
you need

when you fear
the end
and no end

when thoughts assail
attack
dissemble
your mind

hold on to the one
who will never let go

when your head goes under
know you will
look up

when you light flickers
know you will
alight again

when you lose your grip

                           don't!




hold on
cling

grind your teeth
clench your fists
sob

hold on to Him.

hold on to Him
for he will                    
                               never
                                                                   never
                                                                                                              never

                                                                              
                                                      

                                                                 let go.